HONEY, I BLEW UP THE KID

PLOT SUMMARY: The Szalinski family is back, this time hilarious disaster strikes when an experiment causes their new toddler son to grow many stories tall.

WHERE TO WATCH: Disney+

JAIMEE’S NOTES: We’re back…it’s Rick Moranis time, bitches. Let’s just say you definitely never go into any of these movies thinking, I wonder what Wayne Szalinski is going to be up to this time! It’s pretty self-explanatory. Maybe the surprise in this movie is that Wayne and Diane have a toddler! So I guess they’ve resolved whatever weird tension they had in the first movie. We’ve moved into some new digs so that may have helped. I am sad that Little Russ is not here though, what a dream boat. Nicky is old and in love….with Keri Russell?! Who knew she was in this movie? And Amy is going to college, Amy wants to get as far away from this family as possible. Diane is bringing Amy to college and Wayne is stressed about work so naturally he blows up his youngest child, hate when that happens. Little Adam was already trying to ruin Nicky’s life, just wait until him and his crush have to wrangle a toddler. But we have learned that supernatural phenomena brings kids together so maybe…good? I will say, Mandy called the baby stupid at one point…like maybe we should re-evaluate her for a second. But this time we are in a big pickle because other people know about this. Wayne’s co-workers who are scientists want to study him. Wayne’s a crackpot from Fresno though, don’t fuck with him. They figure out that electromagnetic lights are causing Adam to grow and he’s heading towards Las Vegas, yikers. This movie is insane. There’s nobody bigger than Wayne Newton in this town…ain’t that the truth. Omg this bad man is going to try to tranquilize him. Nicky and rando babysitter almost die but OH WELL! Keri Russell is not going to hang out with his family again. In the end, Wayne finds a way to fix this shit and ope…..again….the best way to find romantic partners for your children is putting them through a traumatic experience, right? What a damn movie….god speed.

HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS

PLOT SUMMARY: The scientist father of a teenage girl and boy accidentally shrinks his and two other neighborhood teens to the size of insects. Now the teens must fight diminutive dangers as the father searches for them.

WHERE TO WATCH: Disney+

JAIMEE’S NOTES: I was not enjoying my structured Disney order prison that I put myself in, and then I remembered I can do whatever I want! I make the rules around here! And I want to go on a journey, a journey…..with Rick Moranis. This was definitely my favorite trilogy as a seven year old. What a concept to think what would happen if I was thiiiiiisss small. And why was Wayne Szalinski even inventing this machine? Did we ever even figure that out? What was his end game? Guess what, in this movie, it doesn’t matter. I feel like the job of inventor was popular in the 80s and 90s, what happened to all of the inventors? I need to get in the field and resurrect that one from the dead, then I can have a Pee-Wee’s Playhouse house like they all seem to have, like she has to pull off a receipt paper to get a message from her dad who is upstairs? Cell phones really solved so many 90s problems, it’s not even funny. Poor little attention seeking Nick and older sister Amy live with their inventor dad, Wayne, and their mom, realtor Diane. Wayne and Diane have an awkward thing going on? Like do they hate each other? Why are we mad? Is it because of all the inventing? Wayne seems to be having a rough time trying to make his new machine work, it won’t shrink stuff, it just blows it up! Damn! The next door neighbors who have seemingly the exact same house….are the Thompson’s! We have dad Big Russ, mom Mae, and brothers Little Russ and Ron. Little Russ is so cute, I remember having a crush on him, how could you not after this movie!? Amy, on the other hand, has never noticed her neighbor and is waiting for some other boy to call her and ask her to go to the dance. She’s practicing her dancing while she is cleaning their filthy house. Big Russ and fam are packing for a camping trip and Ron decides to hit a baseball through the Szalinski’s window. Amazingly, it hits Wayne’s machine and makes it instantly work. Would you look at that! Little Russ makes Ron go to the house with him to tell the Szalinski’s that he broke their window and to get his baseball. Ron and Nick go upstairs and ope, the machine gets ‘em! Amy and Russell go upstairs to look for the boys and the same thing happens to them. The machine shrinks them I mean, they don’t blow up. Wayne comes home frustrated and starts to hit the machine, he then sweeps up his mess and his kids and neighbor’s kids and puts them in a garbage bag waaaay back by the garage which is the other side of the yard. The only one that really knows what’s going on here and is the hero many, many times throughout the movie is their dog, Quark. I thought they were calling him Cork the whole time, I had to look that one up. The two sets of parents realize their kids are missing but it takes Wayne awhile to figure out what exactly happened and then he has to break the news to the rest of the parents. The kids have to make their long journey through the jungle that is their un-mowed lawn. They battle multiple bugs, the sprinkler, the mower, and they almost get eaten! But they also make new friends and maybe fall in love? Get it, Amy! This is such a great movie and I cannot wait to continue on this journey…..next month!

THE LITTLE MERMAID (2023)

PLOT SUMMARY: A young mermaid makes a deal with a sea witch to trade her beautiful voice for human legs so she can discover the world above water and impress a prince.

WHERE TO WATCH: Disney+

JAIMEE’S NOTES: Our first live action Disney movie! I assume Disney’s goal with all of these live action movies is making money, of course, because people will want to see their favorites in a different light. But I will say, I learned so much in this movie that I feel like I did not know or realize from watching the original Little Mermaid. Maybe they added things to right their wrongs and make it more like the actual story from Hans Christian Andersen, which I kind of forgot about. Yes, everyone put The Little Mermaid original fairy tale on your reading lists. We even begin the movie with a super sad quote from the original story, “But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.” Damn. There may be differences in this movie, but one thing for remains…Eric….still hot. Hotter because he is a real live person. The plot is also mostly the same with some very different details. King Triton calls his daughters the daughters of the seven seas, so he gets around. Player, player. I also did not picture Flounder this way, I know this is what flounder fish are supposed to look like but I don’t have to like it. He’s too skinny, eat something Flounder. We have a Jaws interlude. We get to the fire on the ship scene and I loved the little addition of Ariel helping to push Max the dog to safety. Eric on the other hand sinks like a ton of bricks. Side note, I love how they made their hair move so realistically underwater, I can’t stop looking at it. By god, we get an Eric solo! I love it so much. And here are things we learn maybe from the actual story or things they added that just made sense; first of all Ariel’s mom was killed by a human!? This makes King Triton’s dislike of humans much more valid, as opposed to him just not caring for them. Also Ursula and King Triton are siblings! This also makes sense of Ursula’s anger and how they all even know each other. Bombshell revelations in this movie! I love how dark and scary they made Ursula’s dwelling and I thought Melissa McCarthy killed that Poor Unfortunate Souls rendition! I also kind of liked that they made Scuttle a girl, played by Awkwafina, I thought she was really funny, “Has Ariel killed the Prince yet?” Fun fact, when they go to the market together, there is a lady that gives Ariel something and that lady is Jodi Benson, the original voice of Ariel! So cute! The big fight scene with Ursula at the end was great! And Eric’s family always just finds him walking out of the sea, you can’t keep doing this Eric! And I really, honestly loved the ending. I felt much better about their life together knowing that their two communities have merged and have mutual respect. I felt the love. I’ll leave you with one final thing that made me really laugh at the end. King Triton out of the water looks wack as hell. Stay down there, King Triton, you’re scaring people.

THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989)

PLOT SUMMARY: A mermaid princess makes a Faustian bargain in an attempt to become human and win a prince’s love.

WHERE TO WATCH: Disney+

JAIMEE’S NOTES: The order I am watching Disney movies in may seem to make no sense, but it does to me, just stick with me here. Going back to 1989 and we have maybe one of the hottest animated princes in Disney history, Prince Eric. Eric is just looking for a lady, seemingly sailing different places on his large ship. And then there’s Ariel, like every Disney princess she’s like, “I’m not like a regular princess, I’m a cool princess. I’m quirky and don’t listen to authority figures.” Ariel loves antiquing and obsessing over humans, we love a girl with hobbies. Also, Part of Your World is a top tier Disney song. She becomes really obsessed with one human in particular, and I mean can we blame her? As she spies on him, the fastest hurricane in the world forms and bitch gets one of her questions answered…what’s a fire? She also learns how to save a life and declares that she is in love with Eric after only seeing him from afar or unconscious. This is really unfortunate because daddy, King Triton, says fuck the humans. Ursula, who they refer to as the sea witch, has a proposition for her. Sea witch sounds like such a gross title, it reminds me of a sea cucumber. Anyway, Ursula says Ariel has to make Eric fall in love with her in THREE DAYS while being mute and she will become a human forever, otherwise she becomes a prisoner of Ursula. What a gamble, and either way she doesn’t really get to see her family ever again so I guess fuck them. Ariel’s first order of business should have been to find a pen and a pad of paper but that is not the route she chose. We get another top tier level song in my eyes, Kiss the Girl. And also Eric figures out Ariel’s name and says it’s KIND OF pretty, tough crowd. Just when Ariel thinks she’s getting somewhere, Ursula turns herself into an attractive brunette named Vanessa, swoops right in, and steals that man from right under her nose. During Eric and Vanessa’s wedding, Ariel gets her voice back and Vanessa turns back into an octopus. I bet Eric was embarrassed that he almost married an octopus sea witch, woof, dodged a bullet there. Ariel runs out of time and King Triton must really love her because he is basically willing to give his life for her. And then when they kill that big ‘ol octopus, he still lets her go, how sweet. Mermaids were big in the ‘80s and ‘90s and now I only hear about them when I see Tik Toks about the ocean and they say that some sailors hear mermaids or sirens, as they call them, trying to lure them into the sea, telling them to jump in and such, wild. This is a classic Disney movie, definitely in my top ten. And now I’m going to reminisce about all the Little Mermaid merchandise I owned.

ELEMENTAL

PLOT SUMMARY: We follow Ember and Wade, in a city where fire-, water-, earth- and air-residents live together.

WHERE TO WATCH: Disney+

JAIMEE’S NOTES: What a way to teach your children about immigration….I guess. I had no idea what this movie was about and never would have guessed this, Disney is really into real life issues these days and not just princesses and animals and toys that come to life. Wild! We have Ember, the child of immigrants, she is….you guessed it a fire element. And boy oh boy does she have a temper, she also works in retail so like, I understand girl, life sucks. Ember is trying to keep her temper in check and be calm and rational enough to run her dad’s store so he can retire. Her mom also like smells love in the back room? Get it mom. Her dad has always told Ember that elements do not mix, yikes. Anyway, one of Ember’s mental breakdowns causes the store’s pipes to burst and we meet city inspector, Wade. Wade gives her some tickets and she does not want her dad to find out so she follows him into the city to see what she can do. Wade’s boss, Gale Cumulus, you can guess what element Gale is, thinks his findings are enough to shut The Fireplace, Ember’s dad’s store, down. Wade takes Ember to a basketball game to try to convince Gale that they can track the source of the leak and help the rest of the town if she forgives the tickets. She gives them until the end of the week. Wade and Ember start to hang out to start their quest but are also starting to like each other of course. Ember’s dad hates Wade. But, Wade’s family is very welcoming to Ember…a little elementist (is that what they would call it?) but they welcome her for the most part. Wade’s family also plays a game where they try not to cry and none of them can do it, so great. Wade is super sweet and forthcoming with his feelings and Ember does like him but is a bit more closed off. Ember and Wade find the leak in the dam and Ember fixes it with glass, seems risky. Ember also really wants to be glassmaker and Wade and his mother are very encouraging but she feels like she can’t do what she wants and must listen to her dad’s wishes about running the store. Ember is having a hard time with her career and relationship because her parents wishes for her are very different then her own, she says she can’t be with Wade, so sad. But guess the fuck what, that dam glass breaks and a flood is coming, not good if you live in the fire part of town. Big yikes all over Ember’s life. At first I thought this movie was pretty predictable, kind of boring. But…at the end, I was locked in. I found myself yelling OMFG no WADE! I will say the elements and the things they could and could not do was a fascinating part of the story. And I will ask myself the question I ask myself after every Disney movie because most of them have this effect on me, did I cry? The answer is….I teared up.