UNFROSTED

PLOT SUMMARY: In 1963 Michigan, business rivals Kellogg’s and Post compete to create a cake that could change breakfast forever.

WHERE TO WATCH: Netflix

JAIMEE’S NOTES: I’ve heard so much discourse about this movie, is it bad or is it good? So I had to tune in myself and find out. I’m not one to say many movies are bad and I don’t even know if this one was actually bad, I was mainly just confused. Throughout the whole movie I found myself saying what the fuck and when it was over I just stared at the screen until Netflix started playing something else. This is supposed to be the story of Kelloggs vs Post and the invention of the pop-tart. But you will learn nothing because I don’t think any of this is real besides the fact that the pop-tart was invented. They really packed in the stars with this one: Jerry Seinfeld, Amy Schumer, Melissa McCarthy, Hugh Grant, Jim Gaffigan, James Marsden, Jon Hamm and lots of cameos and small parts from recognizable people. It seems to me that whoever wrote this movie thought of every possible joke about cereal and branding and anything that could pertain to the scene and they did not cut a single one. It was joke after joke after joke, I could barely keep up. Everything was so fast, I could not really follow the actual story. I laughed at times….when I caught up. This was also set in the 60s so there were lots of 60s jokes or things you would only know if you know about the 60s. And then I thought, who is this for? Adults? Children? I still don’t know. Overall, I do not know how I feel about this movie. It was….something, that’s for sure. And it made me want to eat some cereal and maybe a pop-tart! One part I did enjoy was the cereal themed funeral they had, that did make me laugh. So I would say, tune in but do not expect something amazing and hilarious. If you want something amazing and hilarious, watch The Roast of Tom Brady.

ANYONE BUT YOU

PLOT SUMMARY: After an amazing first date, Bea and Ben’s fiery attraction turns ice-cold–until they find themselves unexpectedly reunited at a wedding in Australia. So they do what any two mature adults would do: pretend to be a couple.

WHERE TO WATCH: Netflix

JAIMEE’S NOTES: It’s time for a rom-com! But new! Probably the newest rom-com there is. We have the two new big stars of Hollywood, Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell and a movie based on Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing.” Classic. This movie was also directed by the same man who directed Easy A, so watch out for a small reference to Olive Pendergast! We meet Bea and Ben and they meet in a coffee shop. They spend one magical evening together until it goes awry… They coincidentally meet again when Bea’s sister starts dating Ben’s friend and now they hate each other, instantly, they don’t even try to dance around it which I think is a little insane but it is, after all, a movie. Some time later, Bea’s sister and Ben’s friend, Halle and Claudia, are getting married….in Australia! And now they have to hang out together at this beautiful house for what seems like two weeks. Movie weddings are the best, always in a cool ass location and everyone comes for sooooo long and just hangs out and does multiple activities and dinners and such before the actual wedding. What a dream vacation, how come I never get invited to weddings like that? Probably because they don’t actually exist, unless you’re like a millionaire. Anyway, Bea is going through a rough time, she ended her engagement and dropped out of school. And Ben’s ex-girlfriend, his friend’s cousin, Margaret is here…with her new boyfriend. Ben and Bea apparently hate each other so much that everyone is worried about them ruining the wedding. They could just tell them to grow up and get over themselves, but no, they are going to devise a plan to try to get them together instead…much simpler I’m sure. Bea’s parents are obsessed with her ex-fiancé, Paxton Hall-Yoshida (what up, Never Have I Ever fans!), just kidding, in this movie his name is Jonathan. And her parents invite Jonathan to Australia for the wedding, yikes. This forces Bea to ask Ben if they can pretend to actually be together, to get her parents and Jonathan off her back and also so Ben can make Margaret jealous and want to get back together with him. There are so many butts in this movie, they must have had a quota to hit. Overall, I’m sure you have a general idea of what happens, I mean, it’s a rom-com, it’s predictable and it’s cute. I chuckled but it’s not groundbreaking or life changing. I guess it’s probably just what you want a rom-com to be! But I’ll tell you what, I had one major problem with this film. Something they are not going to do is use Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield with no mention of the Hills. It just doesn’t hit the same….I object.

IRISH WISH

PLOT SUMMARY: When the love of Maddie’s life gets engaged to her best friend, she puts her feelings aside to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in Ireland.

WHERE TO WATCH: Netflix

JAIMEE’S NOTES: I was so excited to have a holiday appropriate, brand new, fun, LINDSAY LOHAN movie! Even though it had a Lifetime movie vibe, I loved every second of it. Every stupid second. Maddie is a book editor from Des Moines, Iowa apparently? She is in love with her author, Paul Kennedy, though he has no idea. She has also not told her two best friends that she likes this man, the only person that knows this information is her mom. Her best friends, Emma and Ayesha Curry lol…her name in this movie is Heather, I had to look it up, she’s just Ayesha Curry to me. Anyway, her best friends come to the book party and Emma and Paul have a little spark and fast forward….they’re in love, they’re getting married in Ireland! And Maddie never said a damn thing, which I guess it would be awkward at this point in time but kind of weird. She very much regrets that she didn’t share her feelings but she’s just being a good friend and attending the wedding. To me, this is so not a Lindsay Lohan type of character, she’s too passive! And also, like bitch get over it. But we’re in Ireland, guys! This movie was very clearly actually filmed there and it is beautiful! The scenery is everything. Like in every cliche rom-com where New York City is, “almost like another character in the movie” Ireland is for sure a character in this one! (Shout out They Came Together, we’ll save that for another movie day). Maddie is also such the clumsy, everything bad happens to me girl. The airline loses her luggage and she has to take a bus to the mansion, such a hard life. On the bus, she meets a nature photographer, James. They have a tiny tiff, but never gonna see him again, SURELY! Maddie goes off on her own one day…into the forest…and happens upon a lady who tells her about this stone chair called a wishing chair. And this bitch makes a wish TO MARRY HER BEST FRIEND’S FIANCÉ! Maddie wakes up the next day and her wish, of course, came true. So now, Maddie is planning her wedding to Paul with Emma and Ayesha Curry in tow. It’s very clear over this short time that her and Paul have little to nothing in common and her and their now wedding photographer, James have everything in common. And also Emma and Paul are still like pining for each other. How did she not realize this? Paul doesn’t even seem to like her when they are supposed to be engaged. But, there are lots of things I don’t get about this movie. Maddie’s friends didn’t know she doesn’t know how to ride a bike? What kind of friends are these ladies!? I taught one of my friends how to ride a bicycle in my carpeted basement in the winter. These are things you share! Also, side note, Maddie’s mom is kind of a disaster too, I see where she gets it from. Mom keeps missing her flights and falling down and she also sleeps with gloves on, like what!? All it takes for Maddie to realize she is making a mistake is getting stranded at a fun ass Irish pub with James, girl I get it. In her stunning plaid dress, Maddie learns that this forest woman was St. Brigid and she likes to fuck with people. She’s gotta undo this wish before the wedding! Will she figure it out in time?! If you’ve seen any Lifetime movie, you know the answer to this. This movie did give me some ideas if I ever get married, try to have it in Ireland and make my bridesmaids wear those ugly little straw hats. I could not look away, I need the straw hats.

SALTBURN

PLOT SUMMARY: A student at Oxford University finds himself drawn into the world of a charming and aristocratic classmate, who invites him to his eccentric family’s sprawling estate for a summer never to be forgotten.

WHERE TO WATCH: Prime

JAIMEE’S NOTES: I just had to watch this movie to see what all the fuss was about. And oh my…there is fuss. Oliver meets and becomes obsessed with popular boy at Oxford, Felix. Felix is so nice to Ollie and includes him, comforts him when his father dies, doesn’t let him look stupid in front of the other populars and most importantly invites him to his mansion estate for the summer, Saltburn. Oliver starts out as kind of an awkward nerd and details to Felix how hard his life has been. Felix and his family welcome Ollie into their home with open arms and Oliver shits all over it. He lies, he fucks everyone literally and figuratively and he continues his obsession with Felix. I just want to scream OLIVER: “Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?” Sorry, had to hit you with a Zoolander quote. Side note, the guy who plays Oliver kind of reminds me of Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Anyway, Felix catches Oliver in a big lie and his birthday party gets real awkward, especially when Felix tells him he needs help, which…..uhhhh he’s right. I will say, I do understand people being shocked by some things in this movie, mainly the bathwater and the cemetery, they sure did make some choices. I did like the ending though, quite the twist and made it a little thriller-y. Barry Keoghan plays a hell of a psycho.

LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND

PLOT SUMMARY: A family’s getaway to a luxurious rental home takes an ominous turn when a cyberattack knocks out their devices, and two strangers appear at their door.

WHERE TO WATCH: Netflix

JAIMEE’S NOTES: This movie was wild and I don’t know the other words to describe it. But I did really enjoy it. First of all, Julia Roberts, Mahershala Ali, Ethan Hawke…great cast. And also, it has a lot of black mirror type mystic to it. Amanda takes her family on a little vacation out of the city to an AirBnb because she is sick of the fucking people. Her family consists of her, her husband Clay, her horny little son Archie, and her daughter Rose who is just in her Friends watching era. Everything is great until one day when they go to the beach and a huge ship runs into the shore. No one knows what is happening. Then their electronics all stop working and they get no cell phone reception. And the biggest disaster, Rose only has the very last episode of Friends left, girl was left on a cliff hanger with Rachel and Ross. Then that night, the owner of the home, G. H. and his daughter, Ruth come because they need somewhere to stay. They have a whole long story and it honestly seems sketch as fuck. They kind of have no proof that it is their home at first and I think they could have done some further checking. Kind of like the beginning of a scary movie but we aren’t really headed there….unfortunately. And in the morning, weird stuff just keeps on happening. Deer are all over the place, planes are crashing, self-driving cars are self driving into each other. It’s a wild world out there, so many unanswered questions. Are they going to figure out what the hell is going on? Are they going to be okay? And most importantly, will Rose ever finish Friends!?